Many of us want our lives to remain static. We want our family to remain static. And we want our churches and nation to remain static. But that is not how life happens. Our children grow up, our friends move away. We lose jobs, find new jobs, passion fades into passivity, interests evolve, faith evolves, wisdom evolves.
When I was in my 20’s, early 30’s, I was certain I knew exactly how things went. God was explained, being American was explained, being a husband and a father was explained. Everything had an order and a place. The world was rigid, truth was absolute, morality was black and white, it was all so simple.
Yet, it was not that simple.
There where things happening in my interior life, things that could no longer be silenced. When the facade of certainty begins to crack, eventually everything begins to, (or at least appears to begin to) fall apart. Questions begin to surface, doubts and fears begin to sprout in a confused and tormented mind. As a man who has experienced hurt from multiple sources, doubt and fear can reek havoc in one’s psyche. Unresolved issues from the past, including poor choices, and regret, tear at the soul, whispering at first, but finally screaming for resolution. What had brought me to this place in time?
The Creator had shattered my facade, reminded me that I am are more than i thought that I was, created in image of the Divine and meant to live a life of freedom and fulfillment. This revelation has not been easy, as it requires me to make some major changes in my life.
But God has also provided points of light for me as well. I am not abandoned, or left alone. There are people in my life, right now, some friends, and some family, that God saw fit to bring into my tumult. I am extremely grateful for each one. They have been the voice of God in telling me that I am loved, and accepted just as I am, and to not listen to fear but resist it.
It is time to listen.
I know that I am loved with an everlasting love, and that I am held in the palm of the Creator’s hand. Fear has held sway for too long. The Spirit pushes me forward. I wrote a note to myself that I put on the bulletin board in my office.
“Everything is going to be ok.”
I have come to one conclusion. It is this…God’s love is the the one constant in my life. in our lives. It is time for me to trust in that.